Thursday, April 24, 2008

Milk from Bhabhi



4 comments:

Syed Hassan Abbas said...

Assalamu Alaykum

I’m making this profile with the hop in my God that you understand what I mean.

Before starting, one important thing I want to say is; please take some time from your life to read my profile carefully. If you do not have enough time right now, plan it in your free time but please do not ignore this profile. I know this is somewhat long and lengthy but it’s very important for me or may be for you.

If you are ready to read it now then I’ll suggest you not to take any thing negatively rather think realistically and keep your social believes aside, understand it broadly, naturally and honestly that what your religion says the real religion not the traditional one.

I don’t know where to start. I’m writing this profile by building some courage inside me because I have to get it done at any cost and I’ve decided to search people on the internet and send this message. I’ve found few including you to share an important truth. Please do not mind and make me wrong.

Let’s come to the point why I’m making this profile.
I’m a simple, good looking, educated and 25 year old man from Lahore working in a big software house as a Senior Software Engineer. I ‘m not here to introduce my self rather I want to share something important with you.
I want to share my problem which is the problem of every human being but most of us solve it in a wrong way. But I took it seriously and do not want to follow wrong path. Why should I? if the right path is there from our God.
I know very few people realize the truth that I’m going to tell you and majority is ignorant in this regard.
Look I do not know how your mind set works what kind of nature or mentality you’ve got but I believe most of people in our society has greater impact of the ignorant environment we are living in.

In short it’s wajib (obligatory) on me to do marriage now but my parents will not allow me until I do masters. I‘ve build up my self knowledge and realized the truth of this universe that I may not easily explain in this profile. I want to protect my self from all sins.
Islam also allows us to solve such problem by mean of temporary marriage or Misyar Marriage.
Temporary marriage is a type of Nikah until an agreed time. It can be for a day, two days, a month, one year, three years etc. (It is common in Iran)
Misyar marriage is a type of nikah where couples can live separately but get together regularly. (It is common in Saudi Arabia)

I want to establish a legal relation on temporary basis by mean of marriage.

There is no doubt that such marriage may be somehow socially unacceptable in Pakistan, but there is a big difference between what is Islamically valid and what is socially acceptable.

I'm going to tell you the only biter truth of my life that I never discussed to any one ever (except the others like you I’ve searched on the web).
Look I'm not bad boy as I know my self. I always try be good human, my self and to be good with others. I help others. I never hurt any one in my life but I’ve only one problem that I’m really worried about.
I do a sin as most of youth do it in this age. This is a compulsive behavior that cannot be stopped or ignored.
Although it’s far under control now at the moment but in past it wasn’t and it could happen again.
I'm really worried about it.
This compulsiveness is caused by biological, psychological, spiritual and social reasons but for your judgment here is my story…


In past when I become adult I tried my best to controlling my natural desirers which are rising within me.
I got depressed and was thinking I’m so bad person. Why I’m so bad. Why I can’t be good human even after trying my best not to commit any sin. I did research medically, psychologically and mostly religiously and came to know every one do that in this age if not got married on right time. The right time is when we became adult. Every human is week enough in this regard but mostly do not express it and people around us ignore it. Can we imagine our parents did ever a sin like this? But it’s the reality every one do that witch is considered sin in Islam. Look around what’s happening girls and boys are settings dates without any legal relation. It’s so easy now a days isn’t it ? but doing marriage to legalize the relation is so difficult. Any way I found a solution also that works for me and of course works for others out there with same problem. But people do not care much for right or wrong way they just do what is socially acceptable or what they feel better.

I researched and God guided me. I consulted top ulmas (Great religious scholars in the world) also called Grand Ayatollahss. They not only suggested, but also said its wagib (obligatory or compulsory) on me to do permanent or temporary marriage (whatever suitable for me). Some of them prayed for my success in this regard.

No body can stop this sin in this age until they got married. Even most great Sahaabaas did it in there life including hazarat umar. And prophet PBUH ordered them to do temporary marriage. This is the religion of God who cares for us but we don't.

Allah (swt) is not unjust to his Creations He does not place this desire into human beings, and then tell them to quash such feelings (as is the thinking of certain religions) - on the contrary Allah (swt) provides the means of controlling that desire via the institution of marriage - and during the lifetime of Rasulullah (s) both types of Nikah ran in parallel with one another temporary and permanent nikah.

I’ve references for tradition witch makes the following things clear to us, the Sahaba (including the great Sahaba like Abdullah Ibn Masud) were unable to control themselves for even a small period of time (i.e.during battles), and were convinced that they would indulge in sin. They had wives at home, but the period away from them (due to war) was long enough for them to indulge in sin.

How can Pakistani parents expect their children to live like infallible angels until they attain the age of 30? Do Pakistani Muslim parents believe that their children are at a greater level of Iman than the pious Sahaba like Abdullah Ibn Masud?

Look I’ve all authentic references but I want to make this profile as short as I can because of your convenience but in reality I have lot words to say that I can now write a book on it and you can ask any thing from me if you need more information.

Most of people like us have no knowledge about it. I want to save myself from forbidden things and want to save my religion & honor.

I’m here to talk about religiously legalized, temporary or permanent relation with any one (temporary or permanent marriage) hiding from our parents and the government of Pakistan because of the social reasons and Islam allows us to do so if necessary. I’ve already consulted the same with religious scholars and they all said there is no problem.
If you are not willing to engage in such a relation you have full right to decide because you are responsible of your life alone not any one have to tell you what to do. If you chose not to do such legal contract please just do me a favor by replaying me on temporarymarriage@gmail.com and if you want to tell me the reason I will be happy to listen.

Look I’m in serious need of a relation (the legal one). I’ve not made any relation in past but now it’s unbearable for me to sustain this position any more. I really need someone that I can share my life with. I feel I’m not normal any more, no one says this to me but I feel it, because I was very active in my academic and collage life but now I’m not. I’m not complete. In this age of youth, I really need a close relation, relation of understanding, love, care and respect.
I need to get it done, so I can get rid of this feeling that is eating me from the inside.
There is no one in my life that I can share my feelings not even my parents.
This proved a big pain for me and this comes with a physiological reaction.
Due to this I did not engaged in any chemical addiction ever. But in past engaged another addiction behavioral addiction without even knowing it where I’m going. I consulted with physiologist and found it’s real.
In my free time I remain alone and this loneness is unbearable for me due to this loneliness and availability resources (free space, multimedia, DVDs and 24 hour internet) I got involved in some bad habits. I know it’s not healthy and wrong thing and I want to stay away from this but this is not possible without someone in my life to give me company.
I want to get rid of this compulsive behavior. I use it like a drug to ease my pain.
The main cause that I can guess is my loneliness when I feel loneliness I do this and feel better. My loneliness is the basic internal trigger for me especially when I feel bored. One another trigger is the time particularly the Friday evening and day off from work when I found my self that I haven't any thing planed then I feel it's time to engage in my behavioral addiction. Another trigger is definitely availability of stuff I need for this.
This is the only problem I have that I’m really worried about.
I want a real relation a healthy and spiritual relation to solve this problem.

I’m not that much religious but I’m trying to leave every sin. I’m so far successful except I do this.
To be honest I’m too weak in controlling this. In past, I assumed this is the last resort for unmarried individuals attempting to avoid succumbing to the greater sin of adultery. I thought, this is a small thing and may become permissible as a necessity but in that case it will be like eating the flesh of pig when no other food is available. I was assuming that it is safe to use this as a shield to protect me from the act of fornication until I get married.
But now I came to know and realized that this is major sin. It is totally forbidden and it is not permissible under any circumstances. Since then I didn’t do it again but I have fear to fall in it again (and I know I will).

It is beyond my control to prevent these desires from rising within me. I know almost every one (especially males) do it normally. But I disagree, why we should do it in a wrong way when the right way is there. If Islam is natural then is there any solution to full fill these natural desires for those who cannot marry for any reason. Is there any Islamic cure so that I could get rid of such a bad habit?

So many of times I tried my best never to do it again after I repented, and I tried it very hardly, and I was struggling to stop it because I had repented, but I still failed and did it again.

I consulted physiologist since it is a compulsive behavior witch need to be stopped. After listening to my story he recommends me to have a healthy matrimonial relation. He says you better do marriage. Actually the problem is the tension within me that no one is in my life so close that I can share my life. This is the main cause to engage in this addiction by not facing the realities. It is imposable for humans like us to protect our self from sins without marriage.

I cannot do permanent marriage for at least two years because I’ve to do my masters before it, as it is demanded by my parents. Moreover I’m interested in someone but she is in UK and doing MBBS which will take 2 years to complete.

I know I’m not alone. There will be other out there with the same problem including females.
Question is if some one is not able to marry for any social reason then he/she has no choice to get frustrated. Is it? Is there any solution for those who for any reason cannot start living with there permanent life partner. We have to find a solution for the youth who have no possibility of marriage.
I consulted with ulmaa (religious scholars) and found one solution, to do muta (Temporary Marriage).
It’s the correct way to respond to young people’s needs within the framework of an Islamic society.
Islam has solutions for all human problems and temporary marriage is a solution to this kind of problem.

As it is written in Quran
“As to those whom you married for a fixed time (Mutah), give them their agreed dowries; and there is no sin for you in what you mutually agree together after what has been settled." (4:24)”

Temporary marriage is God’s rule. We must encourage that but sorry to say people around us do not understand this.
It is exactly nikah but here we can decide time before engaging in this contract. There is no difference in permanent and temporary nikah except time and responsibilities. There are no responsibilities for male and female and both have a right to cancel it any time. Isn’t it so simple and convenient for those who have problems for permanent marriage? It’s not like prostitution or fornication because it is also problem-free and all rules applies here also as in permanent marriage (nikah) like female can only do it with a single male at a time or she also have to wait for her idah period if she want to remarry again with someone else. There is hikmat (logic or science) behind these rules that God has made for us. It’s like you marry someone and after some time say one or two years you get divorced and if you want you can remarry again to some one else. Is this wrong? Of course not. But divorce is something that God do not like but still it is hillal (allowed). But in case of temporary marriage you tell each other before contract that you may be separated after that time if still someone wants to engage in it then this is there own decision . But In case of divorce other person is not expecting it from spouse that’s why God do not like it but still made it hillal (legal). But in case of temporary marriage contract it is pre understood and there is no such commitment. Does it solve this temporary problem? For me yes it will solve my problem.
If you don’t believe it you can do permanent nikah with me but to be honest I may not committing it for ever. I mean I will probably marry in my family although I have a right to marry any one I want. It’s my basic right of course.
But for being honest if you are looking for permanent life partner then I’m not the person for you. I already willing to marry some one in my family but problem is that, she is not living in Pakistan.

I have decided to do marriage temporarily even hiding it from my parents because they may not understand it and may not allow me to do it. You know what kind of social mentality we all have because of the environment we are living in (it’s not the religion). But I know religiously I’m not responsible to ask there permission. Although it is recommended but it’s my right to marry any one and you have also the same. In my situation it’s necessary to avoid a recommended thing to do a obligatory thing. I’m going to do it because I know what I’m doing and I know there is nothing wrong in it. I’ve done research on it and I have consulted several grand scholars. They all have recommended it for me to do it even all of them said its wajib (obligatory) on me now. Actually our society may not accept it because we are following traditional religion not the real one and there are so many things that we believe opposite to our religion because of our environment. By the way this is a separate topic and I have lot words to speak on it but for now I want to conceal this profile to the point (that I need someone).


So how to perform temporary marriage. By the way if you want to do permanent marriage we can do it but I do not commit with you that I will hold it till my death. I may do second marriage or in worse case divorce you. So keep this in your mind that I may do my permanent marriage in my family. Please understand this.

So back to the point how to perform muta (temporary marriage).

Once we have mutually agreed that entering a Mutah contract is what we both want we need to discuss.
1) The time period for which our Mutah marriage will last, 2) The Mahr 3) Any other conditions you may want to add.

1) We need to mutually agree in clear terms how long the initial Mutah contract will last. because as soon as the time runs out you are no longer halal for each other unless you renew the Mutah and repeat this procedure again.

2) We need to mutually agree on a Mahr. Mahr is the gift that the man gives to women as part of the contract. It can be anything. I will give you monthly pocket money which we can agree later.

3) You can agree to other conditions if you two so wish. It is not obligatory to do this, however, once you do agree to any conditions at this point it becomes obligatory for you to abide by them once you are in the Mutah marriage.
(i.e. if any one want to limit physical relations say not to have intercourse or even not to have any physical relation then you are bound not to do it)

Read following comments of people who did muta.

http://www.mutah.com/sistermd.htm

http://www.mutah.com/brotherna.htm

We can recite the Arabic formula of words themselves, which, once completed, means that we two are now halal for each other in the eyes of God and the Law of Islam. This procedure can be done by the two persons wanting to enter the Mutah themselves. There is no need for a Wakeel (someone who recites the seegha on your behalf) nor the need for witnesses. However you can opt for a Wakeel and you can also opt for witnesses if you so wish. If you like, you could even put this procedure into writing with both your signatures. These are options if you feel you would prefer it that way - however not necessary for your Mutah to be valid.

The seegha is quite short and can be recited in Arabic or any other language we understand.

The formula for solemnizing the temporary marriage is as follows: The woman says to the man: ""Zawwaj-tuka nafsi bi mahrin qadruhu (x) li muddati (x) — I give myself to you in muta for the dowry of (x) for the time period (x)." (In place of first "x" mention the agreed mahr and in place of the second "x" mention the agreed time.) The man immediately says, " Qabiltut tazweej — I accept the marriage."

You can also say these words in your language For Example
The woman says: "I marry myself to you for the specified dowry (mention the amount) and for the specified time period (mention the time period)". Then the man says: "I accept".

Zawajtuka nafsi fil muddatil ma'loomati 'alal mahril ma'loom.
Translation: "I married myself to you for the known period and the agreed upon dowry."
Then man replies:

Qabiltu.
Translation: "I accepted."*

You can listen the Arabic recitation of muta by following this link

http://www.mutah.com/thevows2.wav

But I may prefer to follow following rules since some religious scholars are strict on that.
I may need your father’s permission to do this, if you are not independent and also never married before
Some scholars say it is not necessary but few say it is important.
I just want to be care full and may not prefer to do it with dependent virgin daughter of any one. But if you are still willing then I may change my mind but honestly I’m not sure. At that moment I cannot decide I need to consult it more with scholars to find a solution. But one thing is clear it’s wagib (obligatory) on me to do it now. That’s way some scholars (Grand scholars) says it is not required to take permission of father. Any way, talk with me if you are interested.

I want to full fill all the religious requirements to legitimate this relationship
In three cases you are free to marry in eye of all scholars.
1) You have married in past at least once (divorced, widow, separated etc)
Or
2) If you are virgin then only if your father withdraws your guardianship from you and considers you independent
Or
3) If your father or any one you are dependent on gives approval to you for this.

In first two cases above it is permissible to marry girl without getting the consent and approval of her father in eye of all scholars.
But if you do not meet these conditions then still we can find a way since most of scholars do not requires the permission of father. Again I’m not sure at that moment that I will chose it or not.

I just not only want to be care full in religious requirements but I also want to care it for socially.
I want to be care full that it should not create social problems for you and for me witch means for those people who do not understand this relation or are not agreed with our decision like our parents then I should hide this from them.

I know it may be looking strange because our society and environment has very deep impact on our mentality but there is nothing wrong in it rather it is recommended or most of the time wajib (obligatory) to do it. For example in my case it is necessary to do it and wajib on me
It may be wrong in the eye of society but not in the eye of God
It was common in our holy prophet era and is common in Iran and some other countries but not in Pakistan.
We should not see countries or people who cannot understand the wisdom of it. If holy prophet allowed it and we believe Islam never changes then, who we are to change the rule.

It’s equal to nikah but some more convenient solution for those who need it. Islam is natural and cares for us. Islam understands us and give us solutions but we reject its solutions and we himself create problems for ourselves.
Actually our socity is in in sex complex and prohibit every thing that is somewhat related to it.
How our mind set works is because we are dependent on the environment we are living in. Environment here I mean is that, some thing we learn from or what affects our mentality in some way (e.g. Family, Schooling, Professional environment, Traditional environment, Society, culture and Media etc)

Majority of people feel shy or not feel shy doing something because of there environment (not the religion) witch is not a good situation. There is a need to paretic rules made by God not by people.
I think this is not the problem with only Muslims but majority of people around the world also follows traditional religion, as we follow traditional-Islam not real and pure Islam. We mix our traditions with our religion.

There is nothing wrong in doing marriage in young age. Just like there is nothing wrong in eating food when we need it. But eating food could be wrong if it is stolen or have gotten in a wrong way. Just like this, involving in affairs with a person is wrong, if the person you are having affaires with is gotten in a wrong way. Question is if there is a right way to do it then why people choose wrong way now a days? The answer may be our society made it very hard to get it in a right way and it is sometime impossible to do it in a right way with the permission of our elders. But now a days it’s very easy to do it in wrong way even most of people proceed this relation to fornication. I know there are lots of girls in Lahore including prostitutes that I can have such relations with. But I don’t want such relation. I want spiritual relation, relation of love, care, understanding and respect.

I don’t want do it in a way that I repent in future, rather I want to do it in a way that my inner sole should be satisfied, that I haven’t done any thing wrong and I know what I’m doing.
One point here, my objective is a relation of friend ship and understanding. I want to share my life with her company. I need it. It’s natural to me and I’ve really found a solution with the help of my God that really works and at least for me is suitable. I want to legalize this relation also.

Because of the social reasons if you want this relation will be between you and me. No one else will know about it even no document and no wittiness is required. Just a simple thing you have to say one sentence with me. I will give you a gift (monthly in form of money) that you will agree on and the time of duration we want this relation (in hours, days, weeks, months or even years). That’s it. Isn’t it so simple? Yes it is.

I’ve intentionally not uploaded my photos, mobile contact and even not the original email address any ware. If you are really interested in me, then reply me and ask for my pics or any information you need. I will be happy to listen you and will reply with any thing you requested.

Be bold and brave in all your decision because you are responsible of your life your self alone. In the Day of Judgment (qeyaamat) you cannot say to God I did this since my parents told me to do that. You are responsible of you’re your life alone and you know what you are doing. You are mature enough and no body needs to tell you what you need to do and how you should spend your life. It’s you and only you who have to decide how you have to spend your life. Live your life your way because it’s a basic human right.
My inner soul will be satisfied by doing temporary marriage because I know what I’m doing and I have no shame on it.
If both of us have the same problem and we want this solution to work, then there is nothing wrong in it to avail it.
I believe it is for me and I’m the best candidate for it and for her who is in the same problem. Our religion has all the solution of our problems.
Then what thing in our mind is to stopping us? Maybe our fear, fear of what it can be done with hiding to our parents or society. As far as God is concerned we do not need to hide it from him since we are not doing any thing wrong.

I’m not about to mention much about me here but If you want to know more about me you can always ask me any thing.

I think I’m writing too much and too formal (I’m not a formal person rather I’m very jolly type of person) may be you are feeling bore any way I think I should close now. In case of any question or queries (if you have in your mind) I will be happy to discuss it with you.

If you are interested and want to know more about me you can add me (temporarymarriage@gmail.com) in messenger to chat with me.
I remain online all the day in my office (9 AM - 6 PM)
It doesn’t matter if your age is 20 or 40
It does not matter your cast is suni or shia or even you can be Christian.

If you do not want this relationship you may ignore this profile and sorry for this if you really mind it. I created this profile because I have to get rid of this situation.
See if you can come up with a solution that we can cut short this time of waiting and longing.
I’m serious and hopefully you have understood my problem and will help me. With hope in my God I will wait for your replay.

Thanks for your time,

Wa Alaykum Assalam

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